Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

I Spend Too Much Time On This

This piece is about psychological flexibility. Psychological flexibility is related to the ability to stay present and engaged with what matters even when life is challenging or we are being bombarded by anxiety, depression, or other stressors. Psychological flexibility is learning to lean into the unknown and the uncomfortable. One way we do this is by exploring values.

It is important to start with values because a discrepancy between how you are living life and how you would LIKE to be living life creates pain and might be the driving force behind a request for therapy. In the book Learning ACT, authors, Luoma, Hayes & Walser (2007) define values as “verbally constructed, global, desired, and chosen life directions.” They go on to say, “Valuing does not exist separate from human action; it is a continuous quality of what we do. Values are like deliberately chosen combinations of verbs and adverbs. They are embraced as qualities of ongoing action across time.” In essence, values are about where to put your limited and precious energy.

In her podcast, Your Life in Process, Dr. Diana Hill speaks about ways to identify values. The first is taken from author Kelly Wilson and is called “The Sweet Spot.” This exercise requires you to think back over the past week and to find a moment that was particularly sweet for you. It could be a moment where you felt a sense of strength or where your heart felt full. What does this moment tell you about your values? What are the qualities of action or the descriptions that give you the essence of what is important to you at the moment?

A second way to investigate your values, according to Dr. Hill, is to think about a moment that was particularly difficult for you. A time when you felt uncomfortable or challenged. Maybe you felt an impulse to avoid, escape, run away or check out. This discomfort is often a clue about your values. For instance, I titled this piece “I spend a lot of time on this.” The counseling team takes turns writing these articles. I dread my turn. I complain to my colleagues and try to drop hints to them that I do not like to do this. I spend a lot of time toiling over this writing task. I took a moment to reflect on the values that were showing up for me underneath this discomfort. What I found is that I value competency. I want to be the most competent clinician that I can be and I do this by writing something relevant. I value the act of showing respect. I know your time is limited and I want to write something useful. And I value the development of relationships and providing a well-written piece is a way of self-expression. I value vulnerability and approaching difficult things. As a result, I am sharing my story and I wrote the article. So, as you can see, if we take a moment to step into discomfort and explore it from a new lens we may find that there are really important things hidden just underneath the surface.

I hope that you can reflect on your values this month. If possible, take a moment and journal about a Sweet Spot or a difficult moment and the values you discover, then share them with a cherished friend, partner, family member, or therapist